Over the last few weeks, I have been practising walking to the reception area of our local secondary school. I am the Careers Link Governor at the school and have set myself a goal of making my own way to future meetings on foot with my white cane, and not relying on a lift.
Well, last night, I made my first trip solo, and I have to say there was a deep level of satisfaction when I arrived back at my front door safe and sound having made no mistakes or taken any wrong turns. The scariest part of the trip is a fairly busy road I need to cross. Standing on the kerb, listening for traffic, is a daunting thing to do. In fact, the last time I felt like this, I was 40 and standing on the top of a crane, listening to someone count down:
"3, 2, 1, bungee!"
I know I will get used to it and it is definitely better crossing the road on your own rather than doing a bungee jump, as at least no one has written my weight in indelible pen on my hand for all to see!
Anyway, on my way home when re-crossing the road, a funny incident happened. A kind motorist slowed and, I think, was gesturing for me to cross. From my side, all I could hear was traffic noise and was confused to hear a car edging forward, thinking perhaps they were lost and looking for their turn-off. The driver became more frustrated and started beeping. I held up my white cane and, after a few seconds, the car drove away. So, what I think happened was, the driver saw I was blind and standing with my white cane so they slowed and gestured it would be safe for me to cross. The driver was kind and had a really good heart – they wanted to help. But there was a disconnect and for me this is fascinating. The driver could see I was blind but gestured, signed for me to cross! Something neurologically hadn’t connected, and it was at least half a minute before it did.
It made me wonder if I’ve always had the grace to not take offence to people’s first reactions. I don’t mean just being blind, I am meaning anything: ideas proposed in meetings, delivering bad news etc. An instant reaction doesn’t necessarily reflect someone’s heart and last night it reminded me that sometimes it is good to give time for neurons to connect and for people to react intentionally as opposed to reflexively.
Please don’t make the mistake of thinking the driver just wasn’t very bright. I have experienced this reflexive reaction from very clever people as well. Interestingly, I have noticed my husband and children instinctively know how to behave around friends, family, neighbours with disabilities. I guess, this is because they have become so aware of what life is like for me and together we have worked to make sure we have a full and happy, adventurous and exciting life. Perhaps then, the answer to helping people who struggle for the neurons to connect, is familiarity and inclusion. If society was fully diverse and inclusive, then we would all experience each other and learn as we grow. I already see this benefit rubbing off on my colleagues and new friends as I make them, and see it as my personal mission for me to make as many friends and new connections as I can in the hope this will pave the way for many others and take away more awkward situations.
I am also going to appeal to all those who are offered help. Please be kind, it is well-meant. We need to watch our reactions too. We want to encourage people to continue to do the right thing and if we bat off their offers of help because we find it condescending, then they may not be inclined to offer help again.
Incidentally, it is definitely not helpful to slow down to let a blind person cross the road! In fact, for me, I prefer to just rely on my hearing and wait for the traffic to clear.